No where near independent

I feel like this is a constant problem I have with myself. I have dealt with this since I was young. I’m not independent.. at all. Like.. It’s where I constantly desire attention. But not necessarily the

“But you’re so pretty!”

“We love you!”

“I’m always here for you!”

But more of always having someone there for me. I don’t need compliments all the time or someone to tell me everything will be okay. But I just always need someone with me.. Does this make any sense?

Recently I broke up with a relationship. I told the person I want to be friends but I can’t handle a committed relationship. (Long story short.) We didn’t talk for some time and within a couple days, I needed that person to just talk to.. I hated myself for going back just to talk. But if I break a conversation with someone I drag myself down and it just gets worse.

Sure I will stay in my room for a couple hours working. I’ll be okay not talking to anyone in that state however, I still desire a person.

Which is weird because at times I am scared of people. I refuse to eat in busy restaurants, I hate calling people, and I hate talking to strangers. Yet… I desire people??

Maybe this is why I struggle in making new friends. Strangers scare me. But I’m needy with my friends. It’s hard to put down in words.. but it makes sense in my head.

If you relate to this, you’re not alone and I would love to hear your opinion and story about this! xo

3 thoughts on “No where near independent

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