Today, I’m exhausted. I’m frustrated. I need a break from myself.
Last night I had an anxiety attack and I had my friend who lives in Canada talk me through it. He told me to breathe slowly. Which for a second, I was scared because I forgot how to breathe..? How does one simply forget how to breathe? I felt like running away from everything and hoping it would all go away. But it didn’t until 10-15 minutes later when I finally realized where I was and that everything wasn’t really coming to an end. And you want to know what triggered it? I was excited. YES. I was excited for things coming up in my life that the adrenaline scared my mind. My own body is afraid of being happy that I’m sent into some kind of panic. I forgot to breathe.. Because I was excited?
Just like the other day. I had a meeting with the section leaders with my band. I have been looking forward to it all through the Summer. It means Marching Band is starting up (Which is Monday to be exact.) And the day the meeting arrived I had to keep my mind busy all day until the meeting time. Because if I sat around waiting for time to pass, I would get anxious. Even though I kept myself pretty busy, I was panicking during the meeting. But it was because I was excited about it. I don’t get it?
Shouldn’t our minds congratulate ourselves for being happy for something exciting coming up in our life? If I’m so excited for something, I can’t because then that means I’ll be anxious the entire time.
The only thing that helps me is to constantly move. I have to do be doing something at all times because if I don’t then I will become so anxious I will end up panicking. In fact, I made a list of things to do tomorrow before band starts so I can pass the time quickly. The less time I look at the time, the less chance I will be anxious.
This isn’t the most positive post, but it’s frustrating to having to exhaust my mind and body everyday so I can sleep at night without staying up and calling friends to teach me how to breathe.
If you have any tips or help, I would appreciate it greatly. Just a rant post. xo