This is more of a rant post because I cannot seem to find relief by just sitting and feeling the guilt. So if you read it or not, this is more for me to get these feelings off my chest.
Every time I get in an argument or even a slight disagreement with my boyfriend. I will ALWAYS blame myself. I say sorry about 100 times, even after him telling me it’s not my fault. And I will be frustrated for not forgiving myself. It’s a never ending cycle. Even just one disagreement will ruin my mood and I will fall in a deep sad feeling for hours. And I can’t get myself out of it. And the more I say sorry.. It doesn’t help me or hurt me any more or less. Even if the problem was not my fault, or none of our faults I will take the blame and make myself feel guilty. 10 times out of 10 I make myself the problem. And I’m afraid that he doesn’t understand why I do this. I don’t even know why I do it, so why should he?
So why do I do this to myself? Why do I always blame myself and say sorry over and over again?
What’s wrong with me?
“None of this is your fault. Don’t blame yourself.”
“But I’m still sorry.”